Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Dudes, I'm Nervous

Husband has a propensity to watch CNN nonstop. But I can't watch it anymore, or any election coverage (save The Daily Show). I don't look at the poll numbers, though we're showing a lead. Or if I sneak a peek, I rationalize that if I haven't looked at it for more than three seconds, I haven't jinxed it. Mostly, I can't listen to any more f'ing talking heads analyzing the last molecule of shit out of every single aspect of everything . . .UG. It's maddening. I'm nervous though. I'm nervous that the race is as close as it is. This baffles me. I'm nervous to hear real live people -- from this here modern times! -- declare that if Obama is elected, the terrorists will have infiltrated the White House. Yet, it is perfectly ok that as a terrorist he is a U.S. Senator?

I feel like I'm waiting to see if I made the cheer squad. The list will be posted on the gym door Tuesday. Or maybe Wednesday, depending on the electoral cheer committee. But a thousand times more intensely -- if I knew what it felt like to try to make the cheer squad that is. I feel like I'm waiting to see if I got into a college that will make or break my major. They're ripping apart my essay now, I know it! That is if I knew what it felt like to try to get into a college. Ok, I feel like I'm waiting for a million dollar purchase order from a customer and if I don't get the PO I'll lose the account and my livelihood all together. This I can relate to, but in short, I'm just nervous, yo.

God help me on Tuesday. I'll have to run by the TV to check standings but only at periodic and random times with the volume on mute, of course, because any softened nod towards Obama as the votes still tally will be a sure fire jinx. It would be a roller coaster I wouldn't survive.

Another reason I can't watch any more coverage is because I am naturally not a hateful person. I am mellow and decent, usually, and I don't like the feelings of hate that gurgle up in my esophagus every time I hear the shameful and boggling things that continued to be unearthed during this campaign. I don't' want to hate. I want to regain my tread on the road of compassion and understanding. My guts can't take the hate.

I feel like I'm waiting for loan approval for the biggest purchase of my life. But that's not a good analogy because loans are hard to come by right now! Oh my god - what about that time I was late on my 1983 Ford Escort payment? Or when I maxed out the Sears card . . .

I waffle between extreme hope and extreme terror. Oh Tuesday, come already! But only with good news. The stomach aches I can no longer bear.

16 comments:

Marigoldie said...

Maybe I'm lucky to not have TV right now, even though it seems like terrible timing. I get enough of the hate, bigotry and ignorance just browsing headlines and blogs. My biggest fear is that the election will be stolen. Here's my analogy: I am having the dream where I didn't study for my history test, only in this case the country didn't fix its voting booth problems, and it's the morning of the test.

Make!Do! said...

I'm running around stuttering "I - can't - stand -it" and pulling out my hair. It is like the worst case of butterflies to the power of a 1000. I love your analogies. Exactly.
And you've got Prop 2 and 8 to worry about as well..well, the rest of the country is too, I promise.

kristen said...

me too, stomach aches and a husband addicted to the news and prone to grand sweeping statements professing victory.

but i'm still scared.

Jinxi Boo said...

Oh, I'm with you, girl! It's like the "anticipation" commercial for the ketchup, isn't it?

I voted early (on Saturday), so it feels like I should have the results now and not have to wait on pins & needles to get the numbers in - LOL

Deep breathes, deep breathes...

xoxoxo, Jinxi

**I misspelled something on my last post and had to delete it - LOL

madness rivera said...

No Marigoldie! Your dream scares me. And I hear you a little too much on the butterflies Make! And Kristen, why can't they turn the TV off already? I voted already too, Jinxi, early so they'd REALLY get it on time & have it count. And then I worry that it got lost in the mail . . .and I won't get that cool I Voted sticker . . .

Let's rally in spirit. Huddle in hope and in fear, but mostly hope.

Marigoldie said...

I think the fear we feel is there to keep us from being complacent. It's there to make us drive some people to polls next week, and to keep talking.

Rozmin said...

Man, I hear you. A week or so a go, my boyfriend asked, "Where were you when Obama was shot?" Apparently it was just the title of an (interesting) article he wanted to show me, but I, not knowing this, freaked out. It just struck me as the worst possible thing that could happen, EVER. It was then that I realized exactly how important to me it is that Obama wins this. I just don't understand, more than anything else, how people can cast their vote in such a way that would allow Sarah Palin to possibly end up president.

Melinda said...

I'm with you. My husband has some website he stares at 24/7 that posts, like, minute by minute poll results. I prefer to go about my business like there's nothing going on, so that I can roll out of bed next Weds and be all "What's that you say? A revolution? Well, I'll be!"

Marigoldie said...

Saw this and thought of you:

"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!" - Kerouac

madness rivera said...

MARIGOLDIE! I'm getting that tattoo'd across my chest. I'm also stealing it and posting it permanently on the blog. Thanks for thinking of me when you read it. I find that a high high compliment in a complicated way. You know what I mean.

Hang in there Melinda and Rozmin!

Don't Get Mad Get Vegan! said...

It's such a cheat, to have such a swell of hope in my chest all the time only to have it pierced by anger every time I wander by the television (what is it with men being addicted to cnn's continual reporting on what they deem is going on with this election, anyway?). I foolishly walked by as a clip of Palin was playing yesterday, her awful 'Mean Girl's Mom' voice and smug tone assaulted my ears and I swore and felt the heat rise in my head. It hit me then....it's like watching the WWF with all their smack talk whenever that camp takes a podium. This is what it has come to? This and a bunch of biggots pointing out how a great man should be torn down because of the color of his skin?

All this is only made worse by the fact that I live in Floriduh. sigh.

But Obama's words ring in my ears and I still have hope. This is why I'm voting the way I am. I'm trying desperately to cling to that hope. I so feel your pain, sista!

Marigoldie said...

Oh man, it's you to a T. I'm privy to some great email volleys among a group of Colorado poet friends, and that one came through the other day. My eyes about popped out mah head. Knew it was for you.

Back to the election: I was a little nervous about Obama's infomercial in an "everything's going so great so mess with it" way. But I watched it and was moved, inspired and impressed. I hope we can all stay involved this week and volunteer. One important job, I'm only now realizing, is calling voters to remind them to vote and to remind them of the date. I always forget that not everyone is following this as closely as we are, and there's all kind of trickery being played on low-income folks. So those phone calls could make a big difference. I'm also signed up to either be a poll watcher or to give rides on E day, and I can't freakin' wait. Yes we can can.

madness rivera said...

I hear you DGMGV. Have courage! (I'm saying this to myself as well.)

Marigoldie,I was moved too. I was worried, then moved. I felt calm and hopeful and even emotional watching it. He is special and I kept thinking, It's not that I think he's too good to be true; he's just so good to be true. He's it. There was an article about him in the LA Times by a reporter who has been with Obama 18hours a day for almost as many months. He said that the only critique he had of the guy was that he NEVER broke from his concentrated focus. Never loosened up, never flubbed his words or seemed to take his mind off task. The reported said it was frustrating and a bore at times. And I thought, jesus, what’s this guy have to do? This is the only way Obama can play it, really. If Obama had one smidgen of the problems that the McCain campaign had, we woulda been sunk in the gate. If Obama had the resume and background of McCain, even with the POW stuff, he would have been character killed from the gate. He has to be 10x's better to win. It's true for all underdogs. People of color, women, liberals - we have to shine and work harder head and shoulders higher to prove our worth. Not everyone, obviously, can be up for that. But he is.

Jonathan K. Cohen said...

Madness, I feel for you. I too am suspended between hope and despair, welcoming and discrediting every positive report at the same time.

I am volunteering to talk to voters this weekend and on Election Day about Proposition 8. I am even more anxious about that race than I am about the presidential one. I think it amazing that just as bigotry has eased enough to allow for the possibility of an African American president, it has not eased enough to afford gays equality under the law.

I wish you peace in these next five days, and after them.

Rebel Girl said...

The list will be posted on Tuesday. We WILL, ALL OF US, have made the cheer squad. We WILL have lots to celebrate.

Julie said...

I feel the same way. I thought voting early would take the edge off somehow, like " ok, I've done everything I can, now I can just sit back.
But I'm still nervous.