Mandy said to me today, "You write out your list of New Year's Resolutions, right?" and I said, "About once a week." Which is a lie because as of late, it's about once a day.
I've always been a lister. List of lists, accomplish and cross off. Scribble, scribble in my little black planner. It's embarrassing.
Things to Clean Today
Vitamins to Buy
Places to go Today
People to Call
Five Ways to Better the Universe This Week
The Girls' Calendar
What Should I Do with My Life; Top Six Ideas
Three New Cupcakes I Want to Bake Next
And for the last two weeks, it always comes back to cupcakes.
This is the year (season?) that I will leave semiconductors. Because of this, I've been soul scouring. I've been unabashedly and without the slightest bit of embarrassment reading Life Inspiring books and listening to new agey CD's and watching DVD's about my inner secrets. I've been lighting candles, facing east, hoping on one foot and scribbling daily lists of my intentions all to shake free some elusive purpose. The more I think, the more I ask myself: Why does it have to be so serious and final? I've also realized that the more I dig all up inside the purpose-finding part of my brain, the more I just want to bake. Baking is fun and sweet. It makes people happy. It makes me happy especially since the treats are fantastically vegan and especially when I wear some 1940's style apron and when my little house is stuffed with the smell of warm agave and vanilla; especially when the kids fight over the mixers and when my husband eats three in a row . . .it's all really, really satisfying.
I've made dozens and dozens of cupcakes in the last couple weeks. It's been a cupcake jihad. This baking thing has become an automatic Go-To every time I'm sorting out my life. This could mean one of two things: I am an escapist, which is HIGHLY likely. Or the universe is like, Hello? I'm trying to tell you that baking IS it.
Quaniesha and I have talked about opening a vegan bakery in Santa Monica. It seems brilliant though logically, I have no clue how that would even happen. I figure if I just keep talking about it, things might unfold somehow. I've already been volunteered a large catering oven and some mixers, which, uh, sounds like the right direction doesn't it? I mean, when someone says "I have an oven from my father's catering business you could have . . ." maybe I should just run a little longer with this. I'm waiting for someone to say, "I have a 1930's bungalow on Broadway for you to use for your shop. . ." I have a million other plans for the bakery too like free nutrition seminars for struggling families (or whomever) that want to eat (affordably) healthier. And free after-school tutoring for (closet-genius) kids (like Mina). And monthly fiction readings. It's hard to dream small. I have no clue how this will all get done; I just want it to.
Happy New Year, Mi Gente. Here's to all your Wants even when we don't know the Hows yet.
To-Die Tofu Chocolate Mousse with Agave Cake and Shaved Chocolate
Ridiculous Cookies N Cream Joints
Christmas Tree Cakeitas
Most of my cupcake recipes have come from Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World written by vegan chef and cupcake genius, Isa Chandra Moskowitz of Post Punk Kitchen. The recipes really are brilliant and perfect.