Thursday, June 22, 2006

Tales of the SM Move - Bustin Out My Higher Power

**UPDATE BELOW**

Procuring a place to live has been a bitch. Before we found our perfect SM apartment, two others had fallen out. The first because the owner decided to jerk the place out from under us and give it to his daughter and the second because another couple put in their application nanoseconds before us. And now the place that I thought was solid -- the place on the perfect street next to the perfect schools and stores and ficus trees and cracked sidewalks -- has contracted a bullshit glitch.

The lady that I call Landlady is actually a long-time tenant (and attorney) that helps out the owners of the building who are apparently one thousand years old. Landlady has been spectacular in accommodating us and making sure we get this apartment. She has been the liaison between us and Ancient Owners. I met Mrs. Ancient Owner last Saturday. She is a German lady with greasy hair and fucked teeth especially the fronts, but she has the face of a sixty year old yet the mind of her real age, around a thousand years old. She was spacey and loving and once she saw the girls, it was a wrap. She took our deposit and welcomed us to the neighborhood. As Landlady was drawing up the lease this week, Mr. Ancient Owner realized we had two pugs and he decided if dogs were going to reside in his precious apartment, the rent would have to be raised $300 more a month, way beyond our budget. This was expressed to me by a mortified Landlady this morning, 10 days before we are supposed to move. My apartment now is aclutter with boxes; in complete disarray, and the Nazi Corporate Apartments where we currently live will charge us every minute we even think of staying past our move-out date. They are, in fact, chomping at the bit for us to get the hell out so they can j-iz-ack the rent much higher for the next fool that wants to live in the unbending, unfriendly franchised complex.

When Landlady told me the news this morning, my innards flattened and slithered out of me not unlike a Dali "still." I was nauseated and I could only think to put my forehead on my desk as Landlady blurted apologizes and suggestions over the phone including one about waiting until the 15th of July for another apartment in the building where the rent might be cheaper. She also stated that Mr. Ancient was now questioning if we had enough combined income and he was concerned because Husband had just started a new job. Completely dejected and scrambling to think of other places to live, I decided to counter Mr. Ancient Pig with an offer that only raised my rent $100 but extended my lease. I decided I wouldn't give up on this place without a good fight. And a little begging.

I told you before that my instincts are shot to hell. They are dead-line about almost everything. I used to rely heavily on My Gut and lately a twinge of instinct ends up being only indigestion. I had to make adjustments when I realized this. Meaning, I decided that I had to go with the flow of the universe's tide instead. If I could not rely on myself then I'd have to ride along on the What-Was-Meant-To Be train. I do love this concept in principle because it takes an auto-pilot faith to practice it which is comforting, relaxing in ways. But I honestly believe there's only so long you can make decisions -- or have them made for you -- in this way. Like, what's up, Universe? I have 10 days to move and You're fucking with me? Not funny. So, my instincts are failing me, and the Universe is telling me to get off my ass and make my own decisions. This apartment situation initially left me feeling so powerless this morning, so down. Until I decided to make another adjustment.

I've decided I'm going to get this apartment by magic. Seriously. I am going to will Mr. Ancient Owner with my magical, powerful mind to cut out the horseshit and draw up a lease exactly as my counter offer states. I’m taking matters into my own hands. And Landlady is going to call me tomorrow saying, It’s all fine and come in Saturday for the signing. This is not my gut instinct, nor am I sure what the Universe thinks of this because apparently She went on summer vacation. But I'm swirling up my own magic to make this all happen. And I believe this 100%. Now, swirl up your own inner powers and make it happen with me. Then, go and make happen all the things that you really, really want because your magic has been sparked.

I'll tell you what happens tomorrow.
***************
Well, thanks to our collective magical minds, Mr. Ancient inexplicably (wink, wink) softened, had a moment of clarity and drew up a lease the $100 more and no extended lease. We sign it tomorrow, but he has already signed. Landlady was a true champion and the Magic was genius. Thank you so much. I believe 100% that you guys helped.

22 comments:

lovegreendog said...

swirling for ya girl!!!

Jonathan K. Cohen said...

Doing my swirl thing. Releasing horizontal and vertical hold.

Make it happen.

acumamakiki said...

I'm crossing everything in my neck of the woods, crossed legs as I write this.....I do believe actually, in the power of thought. And since he's ancient, I'm hoping he's easily swirled.

Melinda said...

Dude - they're pugs! They eat, sleep, and grunt. What does Mr. Ancient Owner think they're going to do -- snort $300 worth of little holes into the hardwood floors each month? Mean landlords suck. I'm sending you magical negotiation vibes right now...

Maven said...

I got your back.

Rennmaus said...

I am friend of acumamakik and I have seen your blog because of her. I will post more about that.

Can't you give this Mr. Acient a deposit for the case that the dogs do a little damage? It's handled like this in Germany (where I live). We have to pay a deposit and pay only our monthly rent and if there is some damage, it will be paid by this deposit after we move out.
(Sorry for my English).

I hope that you will get this aparment. I would loove to live in Santa Monica... sigh!

Marigoldie said...

We can do it, Mami!

Jonathan K. Cohen said...

I had this great daydream of showing up in the uniform of the California Department of Housing and Community Development, with braids, epaulets, and visored hat, acting pissed off because I'd been summoned from Sacramento, and threatening to cite the owner's building for innumerable code violations unless she let you in at the previously agreed rate. I am Walter Mitty!

Anonymous said...

rennmaus's idea is a good one. Two small dogs doesn't justify an increase in rent. It does, arguably, justify a deposit or not renting to you at all (assuming they have a no-pet policy).

Try the deposit first. The guy's just probably trying to squeez some extra $$ out of you, and will probably give in if he thinks you will walk. It's hard to find good tenants.

Also, are you sure that it was really the pugs? Could there by any other reason Herr Ancient German could be biased against you? Ancient Germans have a certain history ...

Three Sheets

madness rivera said...

It turns out that the last tenants, who seemed like the nicest people in the world, completely trashed the place, near vandalism. So, I think the Ancients feel that their judgment and instincts are off. (Like me!) I think they feel confused on what to trust, to be honest, and asking for more money at the last minute makes him feel better – like he’s doing what a good shrewd business person should do. But I told him we should not pay for another’s mistakes. He has also confused himself about how much the apartment is worth.

Not increasing the deposit was an instant WTF for us. Which we mentioned to Landlady. It all doesn't make much sense and I just think he is acting out of utter confusion. Which is why my Magic Mind is going to put him at ease.

Landlady is meeting with him in a couple hours.

LeS said...

Man, you just got me all goosebumply and freakin' out because I don't know how I'm gonna fit the magic-transformation-of-my-life into the three spare minutes I have available in this entire day.

I think I'll dedicate those three minutes to you and your plight and delay my magic until next week. When PickleBoy is away at sleepover camp and it isn't so damn hot.

There. Solved. My three minutes are all yours.

acumamakiki said...

Hurray!! I've been thinking about you today, sending those thoughts and I'm extremely happy for you and your family. Mr. 100 will fall in love with your pugs and you'll be living in this apartment for as long as YOU want and on your terms.

xo

LeS said...

ROCK ON!!

Yolanda said...

So glad you got it.

Rebel Girl said...

I like Jonathan's fantasy but I am glad it worked out for you before I repaired to the thrift store to find him some suitable threads to fulfill it. Goodness knows he would have done the job right but I am glad magic prevailed ---

xoxo

bettyboop said...

yo! way to turn the tables on the curmudgeon. oozing with confidence and intelligence beats 'em every time. i'll have to admit, though, i got scared at first reading this. phew!
love ya,
b

Michelle Fry said...

Congrats on the hocus pocus magic! I love it.

lovegreendog said...

super! so happy for you and your family :)

ESB said...

hi madness--this is off the subject, but..have you tried the new MAYA bars (by LARA bars & Co.)???

madness rivera said...

Hi E - why OF COURSE I've tried the Maya bars. So far the Orange Chocolate is the best! But I heard from one of my boys at Mother's that the flavor to get is the Espresso one . . .?

Laini Taylor said...

Yay! Whew -- Happy moving!

melanie said...

ah, yes, the magic of positive thinking! i so believe in its powers!! glad to hear Mr. Ancient Owner wisened up!