I've been REALLY cookin' with this All O' Me SPT theme so, why stop now? Hell, I may just keep going through March and do a Time Marches Through My Ugly Bits spin off. Like, a thousand side by side polaroids of my daily, sweaty workout pants. That's hot! Ok, back to this week . . .
I am an on-line shopping EXPERT. If they had an Olympics for this, I'd medal. I somehow can buy perfect-fitting items from a blurry 2"x2" picture off the computer screen. I even dip into the most risky of on-line buys: Shoes and makeup. Just recently I successfully bought a red lipstick at sephora.com from a cartoon simulation of the color, which are approximately 20% off of accurate and god knows which way. EXPERT, I'm saying. I have had about a 98% success rate and for the amount of shopping I've done on-line over the last five years, these odds are outstanding. One Christmas, I didn't step foot in a single store, but my UPS guy and I became best buds. What's up, Mike!
Last week, I bought some 1921 jeans on-line. I already have a dark pair of 1921 jeans and I love them. They are my favorites. So, I decided to buy a lighter pair and I confidently bought them in the my size, the size that the other pair are. When they arrived, I couldn't wait to try them on and much to my HORROR, I couldn't pull them up over my hips. I realized the light pair have zero stretch to them, apparently the key to jeans fitting me. And here's the ugly bit: I am so vain -- about my on-line savantness AND my refusal to buy a size up -- that I WILL NOT be sending these mothereffers back. Logically, I understand that jeans are cut by the dozen from probably enslaved workers with unsteady hands so quite possibly the size is off or cut differently, BUT I DON'T GIVE A SHIT. (Ug.) So, I'm thinking about wearing them out as is.
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