I am in serious awe of those who can accomplish the 100 Things List. It seems like running a marathon to me - daunting! When I think about it, my mind blanks and I wonder if I even have 100 things to say about myself. So, I'm biting this list off in pieces. Here was my first 10 Things list. And here now are ten more things that I suddenly remembered about myself:
1. When I was on the tiny island with Crossroads Africa in high school, I lost my virginity to the twenty-three year old island guide. After days of eye contact and subtle flirting and after two slow dances at a house party, we snuck out together after the other Crossroaders went to slept. My virginity dissolved away in the passenger seat of a car parked under a wide-branched tree in the center of the island's cemetery. Yes, a Caribbean graveyard with large, white angel statues and huge rectangular headstones that glowed in the dark. It was peaceful and not creepy. It was a good experience. And I felt in control of the situation, or at the very least equally in control.
2. When I was 14 or 15, I was invited to witness a homebirth. Though I've given birth to two goddesses myself, there is absolutely nothing like watching a birth. When the head crowned, it was pure magic and any logic of physiology lost ground and slipped away. I repeatedly thought, "That's a head. That's a human. That's a head. Out of a vagina. A life. A real person." Then the baby's head came completely out, just sticking out of my friend's vagina, and I thought, "HOLY SHIT, THIS is where people come from; living and breathing out of a woman." (I was trippin'.) "That is a head. A live person sticking out of someone else. Holy, holy shit." Then the rest of the body slipped out and was placed on her mommy. This obviously solidified my desire to be a midwife. I wanted to witness this gorgeous punch to logic regularly.
3. By the time I was eight years old, I had seen Clockwork Orange five times. And though I do love the film still, now, as a mother, this fact disturbs me.
4. My new favorite TV show is The Dog Whisperer.
5. I don't feel confident helping Maya with her 5th grade math.
6. The older I get, the more I am not interested in physical risks. Like, roller coasters. I have no desire to go on extreme roller coasters. For Husband's birthday two years ago I surprised him with a sky-dive jump. He was beyond stoked. It was one of the best days of his life. We have the video to prove it. And I felt no pressure to get up there myself. Even when all the cult jumpers tried to make me feel badly. I didn't give a shit what they said about a life-changing jump and being a chicken; it just doesn't float my boat. Over and over, the pro's were like, You're not jumping? You're not jumping? Finally, I just said, "I take many, many emotional risks in my life. That's plenty."
7. I went on only one date during high school, where a boy properly asked me to go somewhere, even if it was only lunch. I was asked by a shy and tall boy that had already developed a man's body. He was a mix of middle eastern and white, and he had been beautifully named after a Saudi Arabian city. We walked over to the Santa Monica Place food court. After I found a table with my chinese combo, he bought pizza. And then I watched the tray he was holding flip out of his hand and crash to the floor. He smacked his forehead out of embarrassment and I felt so badly that I couldn't look. We recovered from this moment awkwardly and then we talked about things I don't remember, but I remember that he was sensitive and perceptive and that he read interesting things. A couple days previous to this date, I had decided to give up refined sugar. I was just beginning to read how refined sugar led to mood swings and possibly depression, among other things. So, at the end of the lunch date, I mindlessly popped a piece of a fortune cookie into my mouth. Mid-chew I remembered this new self-ban on sugar and I opened my mouth and spit the chewed cookie onto my tray as the shy, nice boy looked at me. It's a wonder I wasn't asked out more often. (Btw, Three Sheets your email is broken.)
8. I was kicked out of my girl scout troop for being a talkative, distracted goof off and the major troop cut up. Maybe I was a bad influence though I was never conventional trouble, like I wasn't trying to get the girls to smoke weed from a bong I made out of a juice box. I wasn't organizing a shoplifting ring at ToysRUs. It's still kind of a mystery to me and sometimes I wonder if my mom fell behind in dues which, if that was the case, F the Girl Scouts for not catching my mother a break. A warning of kicking me out came right before we were to perform a version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I played the role of Mike TV. And after the play was performed, I was outski. My mother was pissed that they used me for the play and then let me go.
9. I am VERY uncomfortable -- uncomfortable is an understatement really -- when I hear the sounds of sex. Made by others. I can't hear myself. But groaning and hollering from a neighbor - even simple sexy panting sounds in a song give me a stomach ache and make me want to cover my ears. Growing up, I often heard my mother get her groove on with different men. Hearing this made me want to stab my inners ears repeatedly with knitting needles, scissors, pens --- whatever! -- just so I wouldn't hear it. It is a great surprise (and relief) that the only irrevocable damage from this is my aversion to the sound. The couple times that I've watched porn, I had to watch it on mute.
10. There are times when I think I reveal too much on the blog. It crosses my mind to hold back more, but when I start to write I just can't help it. Letting a lot hang out here makes me feel free.
Cycling to the Stars
1 day ago