I seem to be on this auto-piloted mission to weed out all things toxic from my diet. I've been on a roll lately so maybe I convinced myself that cutting out all things would be a glorious breeze. Look at me, I'm so wonderfully pure! I read somewhere -- and I'm paraphrasing -- that if a change feels like you're grating your face across an asphalt driveway, then maybe you're not ready for that particular change. My face, people, is being grated.
I'm a Don't Give Up! girl or more honestly, a Stop Being a Fucking Baby girl so when I decided to not drink a second cup of coffee which I usually enjoyed in the afternoons, I knew it might be a little difficult. I knew that it would take my body some getting used to, some adjusting. I'll drink some Green Tea, I told myself. I'll drink more water! Yes! Because I'm a walking picture of health and health knowledge! It's day 12 and if someone doesn't get me a goddamn cup of coffee this afternoon, my foot is knocking out some teeth. Wwwaaaaaa, why did I abandon you, oh sweet life elixir?
It's not that I object to the coffee so much. I don't think there's that much wrong with two cups of coffee a day. But in 2006, I no longer wanted to flush my hard-earned cash down the Starbucks toilet every single day, sometimes twice. The other reason for less coffee was that I truly needed to cut back on the amount of soy creamer I was using. I mean, why was I adding it TO coffee when I really should've just splashed some coffee into the creamer carton? Or maybe I should've just put a straw in the carton and cut out the coffee beard all together. When I was drinking Starbuck americanos on the daily I was buying soy creamer every five days. Now THAT'S embarrassing.
This year I've been making my own coffee -- which is still delicious with agave and 1/2 the creamer previously used -- and I take it work in my lovely Lupe & Carmen car mug. Satisfaction! But in the afternoon, me, green tea and my scrumptious Pecan Pie Larabar look at each other and lament over Mami's little friend, Afternoon Coffee. WWwwwwhhhhhyyyyyyy have I forsaken thee? Why do we hurt the ones we love?
I have two confessions. 1. I'm PMS'ing so missing the coffee at this particular time is amplified in soul-crushing ways. 2. I have not been sleeping enough. I like to go to sleep at midnight though I should not. I should get up at 6:15 which I do not like. I try to go to sleep around 11, but that's when my boyfriend Jon Stewart wants to be adorably witty for me -- and now that Howard Stern has graced us with his absence -- go be on fucking satellite already -- they now play SNL reruns! At 11, the house is dark and soundless. Even Husband is asleep. It's one of my favorite times because I sink into my bed and I can feel limbs and muscles unwind. And then I'm ecstatic about the fact that funny and smart people want to entertain me on TV at that time. But 6am comes so quickly, you guys.
In other news, my spring fiction workshop is supposed to begin tonight and I've decided instead to deem Thursday "Mami Thursdays" and I'm going to now take yoga on this day. And then go to a cafe and write. Dreamy! I decided this all today. I told Husband, "Yo, I'm embarking on yoga now. (smack of the lips) Check me out. Next I'll cultivate fine-hair dreads and wear hemp trousers." He was working on the computer and most likely heard, "wwa wa wa wan wo wa hemp wawa wa." He perked up on "hemp."
Ok, fuck this. I'm making some lunchroom coffee right this instant so I can be all wound up & gassy for my first yoga class. Awesome.
Leather, Leather Everywhere
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