Thursday, January 19, 2006

5 Guilty Pleasures

I was digging Ms. Andrea's post over at hulaseventy today. She did a meme listing her top five guilty pleasures. And I wanted to do this today too because sometimes I let myself sink into my guilty pleasures a little too much. Recently being one of those times. Currently, even.

Here's my list because who doesn't want to hear about other people's obsessions?

1. Chocolate Chip Vegan Cookies. I KNOW, I KNOW, again with the goddamn cookies. But if I didn't list the VC's then I'd be cutting out a big portion of what I think about daily. Last weekend in a PMS cloud that grappled me to the floor, I ate so many VC's that I was in an evaporated cane juice funk very similar to its more evil sister, the Refined Sugar Funk, but not as bad and I got over it more quickly. Still, it was bad. So bad that I have two post-it's pasted up -- one at home, one at work -- that read: "Do Not Buy Vegan Cookies -- Will advise when ok to do so again." When you're asking yourself, Hmm, why has Husband lost 10lbs during our Raw Until Dinner quest and me only 2, then maybe I should revise my program because right now it's apparently Raw 'til Dinner, Cookies 'til Dawn.

2. Peacocks. I love everything Peacock. It is a blind and subconscious love, and I automatically want to buy every peacock thing I see. Every time I spot a peacock design I believe it was made especially for me. Every single time I see one live or fake, without fail I gasp a little and think, OH, How pretty! I have a peacock locket, peacock cards, peacock bags including my prized vintage feathered clutch bought off eBay for $20, a gorgeous peacock vase and now a big-ass peacock tattoo on my back which I got at the tattoo convention a couple weekends ago. There is a picture in my flickr box of me getting the tattoo. It was taken in the last 15 minutes of the 5-HOUR ordeal. My guy had broken my will to live after the 4th hour. I seriously said to him, "If you don't finish soon, I'm going to punch you in your face." He had the nerve to laugh. But, still! I got my peacock and I don't even remember the pain now. Like childbirth!

3. Daydreaming. I still daydream like nobody's beeswax. I play the lottery only so I can daydream hard about it for the next few days. I daydream in the car which is the REAL reason my sense of direction is for shit. I daydream during the 7 minutes between putting my book down and falling asleep. I daydream about what a perfect day would be. I daydream that I can sew or cook better or that I own a cafe; that I'm giving a speech or telling someone off or accepting stuff, awards and such. I daydream about how I could live my life better. Some call all this "visualization", but it still feels the same as when I was staring out the window in 4th grade.

4. Bookstores. I fell in love with bookstores at age 8 when my mother used to frequent a feminist one called Sisterhood Bookstore in LA. Crossing the threshold of Sisterhood, she would go her way and I would go mine. I was comfortably surrounded by fertility goddesses and crystals and vagina flowers (I later learned) and I found books in the kid's section to which I could relate. I got my first Judy Bloom book there. The love affair had begun. I was just expressing to Green Whale that I was oddly and ironically intimidated by the library because in the library, people didn't seem to be daydreaming. They seemed seriously studious and hard core, and way above my head. While in bookstores, I could see other people wrestle with their desire to greedily buy as many books as possible. In bookstores now, I carry around an armful of books I call "nominees" until I narrow it down to just one. My impulse is to buy the entire armful and stack them in my house and smell the crispness and stare at them because they are so beautiful, but I realized that I actually read more when I only buy one book at a time. But I gladly take hours to find the one.

5. The Grocery Store. I spend most of my money and a lot of my time at the grocery store. I don't really feel guilty about this. I love to wander every aisle of Mother's or Whole Foods and read every label and test new products because frankly, I can now. Growing up, I ate the same foods over and over again; plain-wrap hot dogs and block cheese. In my senior year in high school, I rented a room from some people I worked with. I remember budgeting $25 a paycheck to spend on groceries and that meant a lot of canned beans, which I liked just fine, but $25.00 even in '85 went fast. After high school, I moved to Berkeley and I worked at a bakery. I made less money than I did in high school, and my diet mainly consisted of free cookies that weren't sellable because they were broken or they were day-olds. Knowing my love for cookies, I was not too sad about this, but honestly after this period in my life I'm shocked that I still do love cookies. Oh, this was also when I was at my heaviest weight ever. DUH! My point is: Once you earn enough money, there are certain things you don't want to restrict any more. I knew a bunch of guys that bought sneakers every pay check because they could; because they once had to wear one pair for the duration of an entire grade. And for me, it's how I feel about groceries. I even love the word: gro-cer-ies. I feel a surge of decadence and luxury because I can fill my cart with not just any food I damn well please, but because I can thoughtfully pick out organic, healthy food for the girls, for all of us. Automatically, however, my heart still skips a beat as I wait for my ATM card to be approved. Ha! I still can't seem to shake this reaction. I go the store about 3 times a week. And always, I can't wait to get there and browse around and get whatever I want. It's better than the mall. It's even better than the bookstore.

17 comments:

andrea said...

love it! loved reading all these things about you. I'm smiling right now. can you feel the love?

Green Whale said...

Thank you so much for sharing this; I admire your generosity of spirit enormously. I love reading about the vegan chocolate chip cookies every time you write about them. Your passion for peacock stuff reminds me a bit of Flannery O'Connor. And don't get me started about bookstores...

acumamakiki said...

I love lists.It's almost a curse really. I might have to copy this one and leave my blog on a weekend good note instead of whinging.

Marigoldie said...

Have you spent much time around actual peacocks? That's pretty cool too. When my mom used to take me out to the country to check on various old widows, there'd always be one who had a couple of peacocks poking around the yard. It really is part of the granny house scene.

Anyway, I love that you love peacocks. They were surely meant to be adored.

la vie en rose said...

i'm so with you on the grocery store thing. i love shopping for groceries. i only go once a week but it's quite an ordeal and i spend at least an hour there...just browsing around, checking out new things. i only wish we had a whole foods here. the first time i ever walked into a whole foods i thought i'd died and gone to heaven (austin--the huge one on 6th street). i stayed there for 3 hours and then went back the next day. it was awesome.

Rebel Girl said...

Sisterhood Bookstore!!!!!

I still cry (I do! I do!) about that place, especially when I drive by that corner of Westwood (yes, that me behind the wheel weeping, forgetting to go at the green...)

Damn! Why didn't we meet back then madness?!?

madness rivera said...

MG - When the girls attended Anneliese School, I said good morning to their peacocks daily. There was an albino and a spectacular alpha male who regularly tried to get his groove on so we saw him in full bloom often. Every time, I would stop the car in full morning drop-off rush and stare at him, much to the aggravation of other parents. And my favorite part was when they would scream which was always startling.

I hear you la vie! All Whole Foods are not the same, and when I first entered the one in Santa Monica I almost cried. It was the same when I went to the Rainbow (largest coop in the nation) in SF. I often daydream of moving a block from either of these stores so I can walk to it daily.

madness rivera said...

Rebel Girl - I KNEW you would know Sisterhood. I knew it for true. And we have the rest of forever, don't we?

Rebel Girl said...

The Rest of Forever - that could be the name of our band.

Husband said...

Great Post Baby!
I love your writing.
Btw, i'm down 14lbs now.
I love you so much.

madness rivera said...

Fucking showoff!
I love that about you though.

Server Girl said...

great list...i love peacocks too, but do not see them often and the cookies sound yummy!

Michelle Fry said...

I am with you on the groceries thing. I grew up very poor and we did not often buy groceries. Now, I revel in buying organic, delicious food and it fills me with joy like nothing else. I can even fall in love with a cute guy at the organic co-op or grocery store. You know I'm so delighted by all things organic that any guy who looks like he's that into it too, makes me practically swoon.

Janine said...

I love lists, they offer such insights. I moved out when I was sixteen in 1991 and had $22 aussie dollars a week to spend on groceries, so I know exactly where your coming form on the groceries. I laughed, and I am so glad those days are over!

Rebel Girl said...

ok - if you're raw until dinner, what do you eat for breakfast - help me out here. I'm ready.

madness rivera said...

RG: I just sent you a detailed email, but basically every morning I juice a cocktail made from kale, apples, celery, lemon & ginger (addicting!) and whatever fruit I want until noon, usually a banana and whatever else. I didn't think I'd be able give up a heartier breakfast, but this has been way easier than expected.

Melinda said...

I hear you on the lure of the grocery store -- My weakness is Trader Joe's. I always go there and end up with bags full of "essentials," like, you know, tubs of caramel corn and frozen goat cheese pizzas.
Also, I just caught up on your pug posts. As a slave-to-the-pug-puppy myself, I too have given myself pause over my strange and sudden willingness to let a four legged beast lick me on the lips. What can I say? Ijust can't resist the middle of the night snoring and wheezing... :)